Strive

Days like today I start out wondering what it is I strive for.  What's really important.  Today our new puppy had a couple accidents in the house before I'd even gotten to take my shower.  My husband was rushing around to help with whatever he could to make sure we both made it out of the house in time.  My patience was short.  My son was crying and miserable when I left him at daycare this morning.  I could feel the emotions building up inside of me.  

As I sat in the car on the verge of tears, I asked myself "what am I really upset about?"  

I felt bad that our newest member of the family had an accident in the house, it's not his fault.  It's our fault (my husband's and mine).  I felt bad that my husband went off to work in rush probably sensing I was angry and frustrated and for no good reason.  I felt bad that Jayson was left at daycare screaming for me because in this economy both his parents have to work.  Maybe it's the whole nature/nurture thing.  The mom in me.  I put everything on my shoulders.  I need to fix everything.  I need to make everything better.  The perfectionist in me wants to take care of everyone and everything.  I empathize way too much.  I even put it out on Facebook that I could use a do over.  In reality, looking back on this morning nothing was a major catastrophe.  Certainly nothing earth shattering.  Our family has a roof over its head, food on its table, and love.  Lots of it.  It may not seem like it all the time, but we do.

I saw an image on pinterest and it sort of centered me. Everyone has a bad day, but it's temporary.  Strive on folks.  Keep your end goals in sight.  Remember what's important.  To quote my husband's favorite movie: "I take the first one I come to or the weakest one in the group and then I swim as fast and as hard as I can for as long as I can. And the sea takes the rest;" "Save the ones you can Jake. The rest, you've got to let go."

Empathy

Close your eyes and imagine the scenario.  The doctors come in.  They tell you there's nothing more they can do.  The cancer has spread and is too far advanced for treatment.  Major organs are impacted.  Your lungs.  Your liver.  It's invaded your spine.  How do you feel?  Do you go home and tell your significant other and your kids that you are scared?  Do you shut down?  Do you continue to watch whatever mundane television show has roped you in?  Do you venture on to Facebook as an escape from reality?  Do you tune into the Colbie Caillat station on Pandora because the sad melodies echo your feelings?  Or, do you go into overdrive and try to make the most of what's left of your life?  I have to imagine I'd get angry and think "F%*k this! I should have drank and smoked like a chimney while I had the chance!" But of course anger is only one stage of several when it comes to grief.

The above scenario happens daily, by the second even. I was recently told that a favorite teacher of mine is in a very similar situation.  My heart aches for her family and all those who have enjoyed her spunky self over the years.  A facebook page for updates and well wishes has been created.  We're at over 200 members and it's only been an hour.  Quite amazing to see just how large our little K-12 school's alumni network really is. With that being said, I'll leave you with a thought a friend of mine posted today:

Stay in the moment folks.

Dumb quote of the week

“It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare.  If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something: I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.”  Todd Akin