Strive

Days like today I start out wondering what it is I strive for.  What's really important.  Today our new puppy had a couple accidents in the house before I'd even gotten to take my shower.  My husband was rushing around to help with whatever he could to make sure we both made it out of the house in time.  My patience was short.  My son was crying and miserable when I left him at daycare this morning.  I could feel the emotions building up inside of me.  

As I sat in the car on the verge of tears, I asked myself "what am I really upset about?"  

I felt bad that our newest member of the family had an accident in the house, it's not his fault.  It's our fault (my husband's and mine).  I felt bad that my husband went off to work in rush probably sensing I was angry and frustrated and for no good reason.  I felt bad that Jayson was left at daycare screaming for me because in this economy both his parents have to work.  Maybe it's the whole nature/nurture thing.  The mom in me.  I put everything on my shoulders.  I need to fix everything.  I need to make everything better.  The perfectionist in me wants to take care of everyone and everything.  I empathize way too much.  I even put it out on Facebook that I could use a do over.  In reality, looking back on this morning nothing was a major catastrophe.  Certainly nothing earth shattering.  Our family has a roof over its head, food on its table, and love.  Lots of it.  It may not seem like it all the time, but we do.

I saw an image on pinterest and it sort of centered me. Everyone has a bad day, but it's temporary.  Strive on folks.  Keep your end goals in sight.  Remember what's important.  To quote my husband's favorite movie: "I take the first one I come to or the weakest one in the group and then I swim as fast and as hard as I can for as long as I can. And the sea takes the rest;" "Save the ones you can Jake. The rest, you've got to let go."

Meet Ace Bolivar

November 3, 2014 I received a text confirming the availability of a dapple wirehaired dachshund pup in Ohio.  A dance party ensues in my son's room.  Jayson doesn't quite understand it, but he's happy enough to rock his signature "happy feet" moves while mommy and daddy excitedly talk about the prospect of adopting another dog and all the logistics that go along with it.  

Justin and I had just started searching online for wirehaired dachshund puppies in the tri-state area, reaching out to a few breeders and fully expecting to be on a wait-list until the Spring or even next fall.  We weren't having much luck.  Wirehaired dachshunds aren't that common to begin with, let alone a dapple.  We both really liked the look of dapple dachshunds but for allergy purposes, a wirehaired dachshund is the way to go. As soon as we got the text, we decided right then and there we were going to adopt this little dude with one blue eye.  The best part?  We didn't have to wait long to meet him.  He was ready to go that Wednesday following his check up at the vet.  So we drove eight hours out Thursday night to Bolivar (pronounced oliver with a "b"), brainstormed names the whole way, picked him up Friday morning and then drove eight hours home to introduce him to his new BFF Jayson.  The name we finally decided on was Ace Bolivar.  Ace was easy enough for Jayson to pronounce and Bolivar to pay homage to his hometown.

We're only on day four of his addition to our family, but Ace and Jayson have gotten along fairly well.  Ace wants to follow Jayson everywhere and Jayson wants to give him kisses all the time.  It warms my heart to think this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship for them.

Welcome to our little family Ace Bolivar Krueger.  We love you already.

Jayson The Tornado

Things he's saying: 

Jayson talks constantly, not much coherent yet.  He tries to say strawberry, but gets tripped up on the extra syllables. He's been using the word "mine" a lot.  We catch occasional words/phrases like "whoah buddy," hi, bye, car, cat, hat, hot, Laura, Dora, dad (not da-da, not daddy), nana (banana), and of course "No!"

Furry Friday: In Remembrance

It's been a week since we said goodbye to Riley. It's taken me a week to gain my composure and to collect my thoughts.  Riley was taken from us all too soon following an emergency splenectomy. The surgery went fine. A clot claimed our little guy the following morning.  The staff at the Capital District Animal Emergency Clinic did all they could and we were well aware of the risks,  including blood clots. We just clung to the hope that he would be the minority who defied the odds.  Our spunky bearded boy.

They say everything happens for a reason. I truly believed that when we adopted Riley.  We only had him a few short weeks before the passing of my father-in-law and if it weren't for Riley, I'm quite sure my husband would never have emerged from the depression that followed. 

Riley was a lover and a fighter. He loved nothing more than snuggling on the couch or between the pillows on the bed.  He was mellow like that which suited me just fine. Those who know me know I like to lounge around on the weekends and he provided great company.  Everyone loved Riley. He didnt believe he was a dog and he firmly believed your sole purpose in life was to provide him a lap to lay in and perpetual belly rubs. True to his breed though, he made few friends of the canine sort so we were a one dog household.  

Riley was a good dog. He never stole any of the baby's toys, he didn't ever exhibit food aggression and would frequently allow Jayson or my sisters to hand feed him his entire bowl of kibble.  I was always nervous about how Riley would accept a new baby in the house, but he accepted it just fine. I was also nervous how he'd be once Jayson was up and walking on his level, but again he put my fears at ease. He would follow Jayson all over the house. It didn't hurt that Jayson frequently had snacks and Riley was never one to turn down food.

It goes without saying we will miss our first son terribly.  I used to joke that he was the best child I could have because he didn't give me stretch marks and I didn't have to endure hours of labor.  Well, despite being spared stretch marks and labor pains I am enduring the pain of his loss and even though the grief will subside,  it will long outlast any labor pain I'll ever experience.

In closing, I'll leave you with a quote from Walter Anderson: "Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself."  I choose to rise from the pain and remember just how full of life Riley was and how much joy he brought to mine. 

I'll love you always and forever.  RIP Riley Chance Krueger. "If love could have save you, you would have lived forever."

Furry Friday: Toy Explosion

It's no secret that after a period of time dog toys start to stink. I decided to wash our fur child's basket of toys and believe it or not there were enough there to constitute a whole load of laundry! Well now that Riley's toys are all fresh smelling he couldn't decide which one to play with first, so he decided they all needed to be strewn about the floor.  How nice, right?

Fast Facts Friday: Fast-Forward Summer

I cannot believe we're into August already.  Where has the time gone??  As I'm sure you are finding in your own lives, our summer has filled up rather quickly.  So to sort of catch you up on some of what's going on in our lives these last few months I'm going to do a "fast facts" style post.  Enjoy!

• Jayson is a big boy now... we haven't nursed for a week!  Last weekend out of the blue he decided he would finally take bottle from me (which he does at daycare, but never at home.) This is a huge weight off my shoulders.  He self-weaned no problem.  He's eating solids like a champ, including Happy Meals!  I think I was more excited than him to take him to McDonald's.  Their mini fry box is so adorable.  He loves the gogurt included with the meal as well.

• We traveled to New Jersey over the July 4th holiday and enjoyed some time at the Point Pleasant boardwalk, the Jenkinson's Aquarium, a private beach in Toms River, and family bbqs.  Jayson loved the ocean, the sand, and sitting like a big boy at Martell's Tiki Bar for pizza.

• We spent a day at Glimmerglass State Park with friends.  Jayson was again enthralled with the water and sand.

• We finally got around to spending some of Jayson's birthday money.  He is enjoying a toddler sized quad, a blow up kiddie pool, and a bean bag chair.  The remainder was deposited into his savings account for future needs.  Before you know it he'll have College tuition bills or need a car.

• We took Jayson to the local county fair and found that with a paid adult, there were a number of rides he could ride free.  That's right: no tickets, no charge for him...  It's a beautiful thing.  He loved every second of it.  Well, except the tilt-a-whirl but mommy doesn't like that ride either.

• Dunkin Donuts newest craze of coolatas has found a sweet spot in my heart and wallet.  Their Vanilla Bean Oreo Coolata is my downfall.  Come to the dark side.  If you haven't tried one, you should.  However, if you end up addicted you can't say I didn't warn you. Another (more healthy) item I'm really digging lately is Cranberry Almond oatmeal for breakfast from Quaker.  It smells heavenly.

• Jayson is a walking, talking bundle of energy lately.  Some new things he'll say are "oh no," "nana" (short for banana), "what" and "Laura" (his daycare provider).  He also shakes his head yes and no. He'll wag his finger to symbolize "no" as well.  He plays hide and seek, he loves if you run after him although he needs to get better at watching where he's going - he runs into everything!  He plays with his bubble mower, he frequently picks things up (Muscles Magee), he's really good on his scooter now, still loves his tent, and has taken a new interest in his books.

And that my friends recaps what we've been up to.  We'll have plenty of fun times to share in the next few months: Zoom Flume, Adirondack Animal Land, a bachelorette party, a wedding, a trip to Long Island, and a trip to Ocean City.  Can't wait!

What have you all been up to?

Furry Friday: Pretty Boy Snacking

It's no secret that Riley loves to eat, or hang out in Jayson's room, or do both at the same time.  We do limit snacks in the baby's room however, we're not a huge fan of food upstairs on the carpet.  With that being said, here are some recent shots of Riley sitting pretty in Jayson's room, drawn to something out the window.  I'm also sharing a video of Riley and his best bud sharing snacks after daycare.   It started when Jayson was using a walker. Jayson would purposely drop food down for Riley and Riley, stupidly, would be willing to risk being run over for the snack.  It progressed to feeding him from his high chair (Riley puts his front paws on the bottom rung to reach whatever treat Jayson is dangling over the side).  Now that Jayson is walking, Jayson realizes Riley will follow him all over the house for a treat and will occasionally stop to sit down and hand feed him whatever goodies are in his snack cup. This has become a daily ritual. Too cute.

The Joys of Parenting

Let's discuss my night last night.  It was not so great which just builds upon last Monday’s daycare debacle.  I had called Jayson’s pediatrician because it seemed odd that he cried for five hours at daycare last Monday and of course they couldn’t see him until Tuesday this week.  

At any rate, his doctor’s office calls me last night and says his doctor can see him that evening if we were available. I guess he was there on the schedule until 8pm and there had been other cancellations.  I think “this is great, I won’t have to charge time tomorrow and I can ask about his allergies.  He’s always so congested now that they play outside all day…”  Well of course I bring Jayson and everything seems hunky-dory, so $20 copay later I'm told there's nothing wrong with my kid.  Per the doc “best guess, maybe he had an eyelash or something in his eye.  I don’t know, we get appointments like this all the time.”  Great.  Oh and he ignores my asking about the allergies and the possible need for a nebulizer… says to sporadically dope him up on Benadryl.  Not his exact words but you get the gist.  

Empathy

Close your eyes and imagine the scenario.  The doctors come in.  They tell you there's nothing more they can do.  The cancer has spread and is too far advanced for treatment.  Major organs are impacted.  Your lungs.  Your liver.  It's invaded your spine.  How do you feel?  Do you go home and tell your significant other and your kids that you are scared?  Do you shut down?  Do you continue to watch whatever mundane television show has roped you in?  Do you venture on to Facebook as an escape from reality?  Do you tune into the Colbie Caillat station on Pandora because the sad melodies echo your feelings?  Or, do you go into overdrive and try to make the most of what's left of your life?  I have to imagine I'd get angry and think "F%*k this! I should have drank and smoked like a chimney while I had the chance!" But of course anger is only one stage of several when it comes to grief.

The above scenario happens daily, by the second even. I was recently told that a favorite teacher of mine is in a very similar situation.  My heart aches for her family and all those who have enjoyed her spunky self over the years.  A facebook page for updates and well wishes has been created.  We're at over 200 members and it's only been an hour.  Quite amazing to see just how large our little K-12 school's alumni network really is. With that being said, I'll leave you with a thought a friend of mine posted today:

Stay in the moment folks.

F.O.R.D.

F.O.R.D. - acronym for "Fix Or Repair Daily" or so the joke goes.  Yes, I drive a Ford.  Why, I really don't know.  I liked it, it was the right price at the right time.  And yet my Dad works for Dodge.  Repairs would be a lot easier if I'd gone with a product carried at his dealership.  What was I thinking?  Apparently I wasn't.

The miniature man in our house

  Things he's saying:

• I got it
• I did it
• Look at that / "lookit"
• oooh (like an owl)
• Ow/ouch 
• Mom/mama
• Daddy/dada
• No
• Yes / "Yesh"
• bye
• "Uh-oh" is a new favorite
• A whole lot of other gibberish from the minute he wakes up

Bad Habit?

For the last few weeks, if not the last month, Jayson has been doing really well with sleeping through the night and by sleeping through the night I mean from 7:30/8pm to about 4:30/5am.  Believe me, this is a huge improvement from the earlier months of every two hour wakings and feedings.  However this week Jayson has begun waking up again around 2am and then again at 4am.  In the past I used to nurse him back to sleep and put him back in his crib but I'm not offering an overnight feeding any longer (we're not going backwards here folks!)  I've tried changing his diaper, reading to him and rocking him back to sleep which sometimes can take upwards of 35-40 minutes.  This mama has a FT job outside of the house and gets up at 5:30am as it is.  So... I've started to take the easy way out by taking him back to bed with me which lets both of us get right back to sleep.  I know, I know.  We'd finally broken away from the habit of nursing overnight but I fear we're now creating a new habit.  Don't get me wrong, I love the extra snuggle time with my little man but we had been so good from the get go about making sure Jayson slept in his own crib.  Even his first night home he was in his crib, albeit I was on the floor next to it and a nervous nelly all night, but we wanted to set a precedent.  So what else am I to do?  I'm exhausted.  I read online that his recent regression to overnight wakings could be caused by his new found passion to walk.  

Anyone else going through a similar scenario? 

The end of an era

Pic was too cute not to post...

So now that Jayson has made the one year milestone we have been slowly weaning.  We didn't necessarily plan it this way, I've just been following cues as to his interest level etc.  If he wasn't looking for it, I wasn't offering.  He eats solids like a pro now and drinks water and juices just fine.  He gets calcium from other areas as well (he's on a vitamin, he loves cheese, yogurt, etc).  Being a first time mom, I of course am cautious and nervous about the whole weaning thing.

Fast Facts Friday

It's only been a few short weeks since I last posted, but I feel like so much has been crammed into that time frame that it would be hard to post about it all in detail so I'm condensing into a "Fast Facts" style post.  Many other bloggers I follow use this format and I think it will be helpful for me this go around.

1. My bad luck has continued.  My car was hit at work.  I picked it up yesterday from being repaired.  In the meantime I had been driving around a bright orange Dodge Dart with all the bells and whistles.  I will miss the gas mileage, the bluetooth, and satellite radio but it's nice to have my Edge back.

   

   2013 Dodge Dart

One Year

Dear Jayson,

One year ago today, at 7:23am to be exact, you came into our lives.   The bizarre thing about it is you fit so neatly into our lives it's like you've always been there, and yet with your arrival you turned our world upside down.  We wouldn't trade a second of it though.  You were the piece that was always missing.

Punchbowl Challenge

I can't believe I haven't written about this site before.  For the longest time I was a bluemountain.com, hallmark.com, and a 123greetings.com girl.  Then I met Punchbowl.com.  I love this site.  Well, I love it right now because their free e-card selection still rocks my socks.  You can send a card to anyone complete with personalized envelope and stamp.  It's a true virtual card experience.  And no, I'm not being compensated to write anything about them.  So what got me on the Punchbowl bandwagon this morning?  Well, I've been in a funk lately and I've decided that I'm going to challenge myself to send an e-card to one person once a week for the next 52 weeks using Punchbowl (that's a year for those of you having difficulty computing).  I figure in helping brighten someone's day, I'll help me feel a little less woe-is-me too.  Now before you go getting all concerned that I'm depressed, I'm not really.  I just need to turn my karma around.  I've had such bad luck lately, I need to take this bull by the horns.

Anyone else want to join me in my Punchbowl Challenge?  Just think of how many smiles we can create week to week.

Furry Friday: Looking Fabulous

Yesterday both Riley and I had a few appointments that afforded me the ability to work half day and spend the other half of my day driving around with my number one fur-child.  The old man had a check up, a bordatella shot, and a grooming.  I had a follow up doctor's appointment, six vials of blood work processed, and an x-ray.  Fun fun.  But at least he looks fabulous.

Elf Month

I know it's not Christmas, but "elf" is eleven in Afrikaans hence the title "Elf Month."  Hey, you learn something new everyday.  Any who, in a month's time Jayson has changed in leaps and bounds.  Almost literally.  The kid is a flurry of movement these days.  Gone are the lazy Saturday afternoons with Jayson snuggled up in my lap.  He wants to get down and get into everything (the dog's bowls, turning the xbox on and off, pulling magazines off the end table, etc). Even to look at him, he has graduated in my mind from "baby" to a toddler and he's a vocal one at that.  He's loud, he's like a bull in a china shop, and he points at everything.  In other words: he's FUN.

My kind of luck

Being a quarter Irish, I would have really liked to have cashed in on the "luck" of my ancestors but needless to say the month of March has been less than lucky.  This is what I get for forgetting to wear green on the 17th.

The beginning of the month our fairly new furnace decided it was a good time to crap out amidst the below zero temperatures we were experiencing.  The downside to being "fairly new" is that parts aren't readily available and the furnace itself is of course just outside its warranty.  Fortunately, the repairman was able to jimmy-rig it while we waited a couple weeks for the part to be special ordered from Italy.  I'm glad to say we are finally back up and running since temperatures are still in the thirties.

enligh-TEN-ed

Holy moly!!  Jayson woke up another month older today.   Ten whole months.  Not to sound all cliche on you, but I am not quite sure where the time has gone.  I find myself scrolling through the photos I've taken over the last month to remind myself of all the changes that have occurred.  The memory isn't what it used to be (post-pregnancy brain).  I am so glad for technology so I can capture all his little moments.  Maybe one day I'll even print out each of these little updates and make a scrap book.  Ok, maybe not... that sounds a little over ambitious.  Without further ado, this is what the little stinker has accomplished to date:

Watch it Wednesday: Crush

I was having a work related conversation with a coworker the other day and of course our talks quickly detoured to our kids.  I had commented that Jayson's current age is my favorite, and in retrospect I think I've said this with every age he's hit so far.  She had a great way to describe this.  She said that with each stage whether it be crawling, walking, talking, etc., it's like you have a crush on your kid.  Everything they do is so precious and you can't help but stare at them in wonderment.  It's so true!  Jayson could fart and I'd brag about it.  As a matter of fact I have because when he does "let wind" (to quote Justin's Grandma Kelly) I'll say to him "are you making stinky man farts?" and he'll laugh.  He thinks it's hilarious.  Such a typical man to think getting caught farting is hilarious.  It's safe to say I have a crush on my kid.  I have drank the kool-aid and am wearing a permanent pair of rose colored glasses.  How could I not??  Just look at this kid!

Number Nine

Nine has always been my lucky number.  It was my varsity soccer jersey number, Justin and I started dating on the ninth of February in 1999, my first dorm room was 309, and Justin and I got married in 2009.  It also just so happens that Jayson was born on the ninth of May, which means that this past Sunday (the ninth of February) he became 9 months old.  Yeah... nine whole months.  Which means I have three months until his first birthday.  I don't know whether to be happy about that fact or if I should start bawling.  What I do know is that month nine for Jayson has brought a lot of changes and this by far has become my favorite age of his.  He's just so much fun right now!

Old School

As a new mom I have had access to (and tried) many new products out on the market today.  However, I will say that for a majority of the common issues (i.e. diaper rash, etc) the old school items have proved themselves to be tried and true.  The following items which you probably already have in your pantry have been little miracle workers for Jayson:

{ Hugs }

Every now and then a certain something comes along and turns your world upside down.  Whether it be a movie, a song, or an item in the news.  For me, the past week has been full of such atrocities.  Shootings at colleges occurred every week day last week.  Scary.  This always puts me a little on edge as I work at a college.  Not to mention its another bleak reminder of the world I've chosen to bring a child into.  Now couple those news stories with the tragic death of the farmer who's property adjoins my parents. Yeah, it's shaping up to be a pretty grim January.

Furry Friday: A Boy & His Dog

It's been way too long since I've done a Furry Friday post.  Since becoming a mother, my posts have been more infrequent to begin with but I don't want you to think that Riley has been forgotten about altogether.  We still have plenty of snuggle time.  He still sleeps by me.  We snuggle on the couch after Jayson's gone to bed.  He is always within arms length.

Croup is Crap

If you are an avid reader of the blog, you know that Jayson just go over Thrush.  It was the worst 14 days of medication ever.  Trying to force feed nystatin to a wriggly, crying, kicking, screaming child has moved to the bottom of the list of things I'll sign myself up for in the future.  God bless nurses.  Your jobs must suck.  Just saying.

The Number Eight

1. Jayson is officially sitting, unassisted, like a champ.  He's still not crawling yet, but will inch along on his back like a worm.