Thirty Four

In only three weeks time I'll be considered full-term.  Insane to think that our little man could arrive as soon as that.  In many ways, I'm more than ready for him to be here.  Although three weeks seems a little soon.  As I've said before, I have so much I want to get done before he's here!  For starters, whenever my mother scheduled my shower for has got to be coming up and I'll have to get all those goodies put away and organized.  I also have to pack my hospital duffle, get the car seats set up, and of course there are two weekends designated to parties for my sister-in-law's wedding!  Check off the list that we've completed the "play room," the family wall, our birthing classes, and we've sent e-cards to important family members alerting them of the location of the hospital.  Justin also downloaded the Daddy511 app for his phone which has my doctor's number, the hospital number/address, and our baby's statistics all in one convenient place.  The count down is quickly dwindling but we still have one looming item that will need to be decided pretty quickly once he gets here (although preferably before)... HIS NAME.  Initially I thought it would be so easy to pick a boys name, but in all honesty the girls names were much easier for us to compile into a list.  We have three finalists, although middle names are making the decision even harder.  We like Jayson (or Jaysen), Caleb, and Kyle.  Kyle we've pretty much settled that the middle name would be Alexander or Xavier.  I guess we could use either of those with the other two names but I'm not sure I'm really feeling it.  This is a life altering decision folks.  The poor kid will be stuck with this name the rest of his life.  So, suggestions are welcome.  Feel free to comment below.

Anyways, enough worrying about that.  Let's add a little humor to the post.  Here's the top ten things they don't tell you about pregnancy at 34 weeks:

1. If you normally look like you belong to the Cullen family, you will now notice your skin has visibly become a road map of blue honeycombs.  I knew my body was going to mass produce new veins and such, but being able to see them was a little unexpected.  Lets hope the kid gets his father's skin, my paleness has reached a new level of undesirable.
2. Welcome back the days of sheer exhaustion.  I was never a big coffee drinker before.  Truth be told I never saw the appeal.  Now, however, one cup of coffee holds more appeal than a David Beckham underwear commercial.  Whoah buddy, it's amazing what one cup of coffee can do for my energy levels nowadays.  Thank goodness my doctor has not restricted my caffeine intake.
3. Overnight your rings can go from spinning to stuck.  Like that time Winnie the Pooh got stuck in Rabbit's hole.  Take your rings off when you can and invest in a fake set of wedding bands my friends.  Oh, and restrict yourself to one serving of ham at Easter Supper.  Trust me on this.
4. Swelling can be combated with increased water intake.  Keep your Purell handy and practice those kegels, however, because this will mean many more trips to the bathroom.
5. You need to make lists.  They tell you that absentmindedness can strike at anytime throughout pregnancy, but they don't tell you that you may feel like you're experiencing the early onset of Alzheimer's.  I have always prided myself on having the memory of an elephant, but now I have the memory of a feather-head and it just gets worse the longer I'm baking this baby.
6. They say "sleep while you still can."  Good luck with that.  You will get to the point where side sleeping becomes painful causing you to roll over frequently at night... and rolling over is easier said than done.  You are now a turtle.
7. Embrace your inner hippie.  Areas you could see to shave are no longer accessible or visible.  Settle on being able to keep your under arms smooth and unless your partner is willing to take care of the rest, invest in an electric razor for what parts of your legs you can still reach.  Whoever said pregnant women are beautiful obviously never looked too close.
8. You will find you've acquired a whole new set of sensitivities.  Let's call them Kryptonite for the Pregnant Woman.  Tissues, even infrequently used, can turn your nose raw.  Middle-school acne will come back with a vengeance.  Prime example: white gold never bothered me and suddenly my earrings have become the bane of my existence. 
9. You've never felt so big in your life, and yet you're still starving.  True story.  The starving-Ethiopian-pregnancy-hunger-pains are back and their timing could not be worse.  With six weeks to go, you will realize your hopes of putting on only three more pounds are unrealistic.
10. Speaking of big, let's turn our attention to the "girls."  No one tells you that nursing bra sizes are night/day to regular bra sizes.  There should be a conversion chart created.  If we can chart out that 1 cup equals 8 ounces, someone somewhere should have charted out that a 34C "normal" bra is the equivalent of a 36DD "nursing" bra.  I'm here to tell you that nursing bra shopping by far exceeds bathing suit shopping for unpleasantness due to sizing issues.