Water Rides

I am a huge fan of water rides.  Rollercoasters, as much as I enjoy their thrill, without fail send me crying to the chiropractor with whiplash.  So when I go to an amusement park not only am I packing my swimsuit and towel with high hopes of sticking to the water rides, a bottle of Advil makes it into the mix just in case I venture over to the dry side of the park.  Yeah, I'm cool like that.

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Needless to say, Tuesday's adventure to Zoom Flume had me in my glory.  This park is 100% water-based entertainment.  But, yes folks there is a big "butt" in this story, I met my match with the Canyon River Plunge.  This ride is a straight shot down without a tube or a mat.  This ride is serious; it doesn't dump you in some cushy pool where you can adjust your bathing suit with some sense of dignity.  Oh no. This puppy uses your own swim suit, a continued expanse of tubing, and the centrifugal force of water to slow you down.  In Lehman's terms, a painful wedgie assault like no other.  Matter of fact, I believe this ride should be renamed "Major Wedgie" or "Thong Maker" to at least forewarn participants of their impending doom.  Stupidly, I subjected myself to this ride twice.  Apparently the super short line and the pina colada I enjoyed over lunch clouded my judgment enough to forget the results of the first time down.  I can honestly say that the second time was by far the worst.  My suit lodged itself so uncomfortably that I almost didn't share this story out of sheer embarrassment.  I was worried that rather than running to a chiropractor, as mentioned earlier, that I'd have to make an appointment with a proctologist.  I know it sounds dramatic, butt but it's true.

Do you have an embarrassing amusement park story?  Are there any rides that you avoid based on prior outcomes?  I know I can't be the only one...